Food has always filled the margins of my mind. You too? We are kindred spirits then, friend.
There were times in my life when my obsession with the next meal was unhealthy. In childhood, it was about chasing the next sugar high. My top three food groups were peanut butter, leftover holiday candy, and little debbie snacks. By the time I hit puberty, I knew that skipping breakfast, eating lettuce wraps for lunch, and picking at dinner were the quickest route to that supermodel body I longed for. The problem was that my growing body needed FUEL, so in between these set mealtimes I scarfed the donuts in the school bake sale, hit the vending machine in the cafeteria, and binged on cereal and bagels after school. By college, my food obsession became “diet” obsession and I was always trying the newest low carb or low fat or let’s be honest, low FOOD diet while upping my cardio. Around this time, I realized my digestion was shot (like, over a week without a bowel movement…), my hormones were out of whack (like, one period a year…), and I was always on a rollercoaster of anxiety. In an attempt to feel better (rather than get skinnier) I cut out processed food and started eating regular meals with ample calories, buuuuut I had jumped on the vegan bandwagon. Fast forward one year and my hair began falling out, I had regular binge sessions with a jar of organic raw nut butter and entire bags of dried fruit, my bowel movements came once every two weeks, my periods disappeared altogether, and my high intensity workouts left me exhausted (and passing out) by 6pm every night. Not exactly the picture of health I thought I’d attain by age 23.
Something had to give. Slowly, I dropped toxic parts of my life. I traded my stressful job for my studies in nutrition. I traded veganism for a real food diet with everything in moderation, including high quality meat, eggs, and dairy. I slowed down on my intense workouts and took more walks. What happened? My periods returned, like every 28 days. My hair grew thicker. I no longer felt the urge to binge because my body was nourished. I was able to stay up past 6 in the evening (I still have a 9pm bedtime, no shame!). I decided that I wanted to share this with every woman struggling with doing the “right things” and still feeling like garbage! I moved to Australia to attend a natural chef training program so that I could connect the dots between WHAT to eat and HOW to make it happen in the kitchen. My food obsession shifted from an unhealthy fixation into a beautiful way to experience the joy of preparing and eating nourishing and delicious food. I thought I’d cracked the code. Then, I had a baby. My beautiful baby boy who God has used over and over to show me that, oh no, I had NOT cracked the code and had a lot left to learn (still learning!). At first, I dropped all my “baby weight” within weeks and everyone praised me. “I look good,” I thought…"so why do I feel so terrible?” I was sleeping less than 3 hours a night due to insomnia (and a newborn), my anxiety levels were through the roof, and my appetite for food had completely disappeared. I allowed myself to fall into a rhythm of skipping meals and drinking (organic) lattes to get through my day and at night my mind began buzzing with all of the anxieties of the day. This continued until BOOM, I got pregnant again when Atticus was 15 months old and still nursing around the clock.
After crying in shock and literal terror that I would never sleep again, I decided I needed to start taking care of myself again. This is all too common in new motherhood. We focus so much on our babies, we forget that WE NEED CARE TOO. I’m not taking about pedicures, free time, and massages (although those are nice too). I’m talking about regular meals and snacks, nourishing food, lots of outside time and rest. Why do I jump through every hoop to provide this for my child and deny myself the same necessities?! Fast forward to today with two kiddos and another one on the way, I have checkpoints throughout my day to ensure that mama is getting what she needs.
quiet time in the morning to read, research, pray, plan
real, nourishing, DELICIOUS food within 30 minutes of waking and every 2-4 hours throughout the day
daily quality movement like strength training, walking, stretching, or hiking
sunshine and fresh air out in nature, preferably barefoot
pockets of rest throughout my day to play, cook, read, or sit quietly and thank God for every single blessing in my life
at least a few minutes of uninterrupted husband time, snuggles are appreciated
8 hours of sleep!
These checkpoints don’t happen every day, but I’ll tell you what, aiming for them sure gets me closer than not trying at all! I have my days of overwhelm, my anxieties rear their head every so often and I lose my patience, but all in all, I feel better at 34 than I did on my best day as a 24 year old. I love to share and that’s what I hope to do here…share my roadmap that has helped me arrive here after years of making all the wrong turns. Here’s to the journey, friend!